Cyber-Crack Pandemic

Well, I don’t think I have seen it all, but I have seen enough.  Today, I came home from work just in time to watch my neighbor kid mowing his front lawn.  Typically an unspectacular observation, but this time was different.  He was trying to push and control the lawnmower with one hand while farting around on his smart phone with the other.  I couldn’t help but stare.  I was fascinated.  I watched in hopes of seeing a potential Darwin Award about to happen.  Though the kid did not sever any limbs in a great bloody mist of legendary buffoonery, he certainly did not disappoint!  After only watching for a few seconds, the kid blindly pushed the mower into his mailbox post, smashing his sternum into the mower control handle, and sending him tumbling into the runoff ditch adjacent to the road, clutching his midsection in pain.  I would have rushed to help him, but I was too busy rolling around my driveway damn near choking to death from laughing harder than I have in a long time.  Kid was pissed when he saw me too, but I didn’t give a fuck because I have no sympathy for stupidity or any time stupidity is rewarded with another stay of execution from natural selection.  Fuck him, it was funny and I enjoyed every second of it!  Stupid ass.

We have all heard the zombie apocalypse comparison to the modern smart phone drone generation, but it is fucking happening.  Many fear the Matrix or Terminator scenario where the machines become self-aware and wipe out humanity, but it is actually the other way around.  Technology is driving humanity to be unaware.  Unawareness to a level that natural selection is about to get a feeding frenzy like a global game of Hungry Hungry Hippo.  Just cheap marbles, obliviously rolling wherever momentum takes them while natural selection frantically smashes that lever for the hippo head to lunge out and latch on to it’s brain dead prey for a quick meal and systematic chipping away of the human population.  The machines don’t have to rise up and kill us all.  Our own creation just has to exist as we created it and sit there waiting patiently for us to ritualistically sacrifice ourselves.

It’s over folks.  We have willingly become the meal to the beast we created.  The smart phone.  I have seen people walk into posts, fall off curbs into the street, get hit by cars, run people over while driving and texting, almost kill me on the road a dozen times, and generally neglect the world around them in a tragic waste of life, ignoring the reality of the living to live in virtual reality.  I work on a military base.  I can’t go to any organization on base without seeing long lines of people waiting for service while the uniformed personnel behind the window or at their desks frantically typing away on their fucking iPhones, not giving a shit about the people waiting to get their shit handled so they can return to their duty sections and waste their own time jerking off on instagram.  When this dumbass Pokemon Go craze started a few weeks ago, I witnessed a group of uniformed personnel walking around my parking lot playing that stupid game.  IN UNIFORM!!!  WHILE THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING THEIR FUCKING JOBS!!!  This is YOUR military.  Sucking the digital tit of voluntary lobotomy.

I can only fight the revolution in the circles where I have some control or influence within my own family and friendship circles, but I have little hope for the survival of humanity short of a planetary power failure.  So, I will do the next best thing.  I will kick back, crack another beer, and watch the world implode with every injection of text heroin and every hit off the selfie stick crack pipe.  If the world is going to hell in a bucket, I want to be the one holding the bucket.



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