Updating my last post from 15 August 2015 (original post below), here is my current assessment of our remaining presidential candidates. Now that we have had some time to evaluate them as they have all reached deep into their respective bullshit bags to expose their individual turd chunks of buffoonery, some have confirmed my initial assessments and others have altered my perception of them. Updates to the August post in bold red italics.
Lincoln Chaffee: Who? Seriously, who the fuck is this guy? The metric system? That’s all he’s got? WHO THE HELL ARE YOU??? Okay, this dipshit just became my favorite player on the debate stage. He was a 4-star douche bag coming into the game and he earned his 5th star in the first democratic debate by standing there looking lost, confused, and pretty much like he was straining with superhuman force to clinch his buttonhole and not shit all over himself on the stage. I hope he stays in the race just for the pure entertainment value!
Hillary Clinton: I have yet to find a SINGLE person, including the liberal drones, who can tell me ONE FUCKING THING this elitist murderous cunt has accomplished. I can’t understand why so many people are sucking on her asshole like she is the second coming of Jesus when she has proven to be nothing more than Satan’s cum dumpster. Black Panthers, email servers, four Americans killed in Benghazi, phantom snipers in Bosnia, and the list goes on and on. But seriously, what difference does it really make, right? Fuck Hillary in right in her dried up crusty twat! She is a worthless cunt who has done ZERO for anyone but herself and destroyed anyone and anything that has gotten in her way on her quest for power. Yes, for whatever reason, the word CUNT offends a lot of folks far greater than any other single-syllable four-letter word comprised of vowels and consonants that when expressed verbally somehow carries far greater evil than any other word. I feel the same way about Hillary, so fuck her and fuck you, she is a rotting frosty demon CUNT. No change. Perhaps an updated hatred after she gets her ass thrashed by Trey Gowdy in the hearings today.
Martin O’Malley: Don’t know much about him, which is not a good thing for a Presidential candidate, but I have been to Maryland many times and I am anything but impressed with the state of his former governorship, so he may as well pound sand and get lost. Confirmed oxygen thief. After the debate, my only question for him would be, “How many windows do you lick when you’re not jacking off Sanders and fingering Hillary?” Get this asshole out of here!
Bernie Sanders: A socialist who looks and acts like that Applewhite character who wanted his followers to drink the magic kool aid so they could ride the magic comet to the alien world, or whatever. Go home Bernie, you’re drunk. And stupid…. I was wrong, Bernie is no dummy. Bernie gets it and is quite intelligent. I admire his honesty and his spine and believe he genuinely wants to do great things for America. I give the man a lot of credit for that. However, regardless of his character traits, I am firmly opposed to most of his plans and policies and do not trust him to lead our country. I would not be opposed to him having a role in the next administration as he may have significant contributions to bring to the table, but he doesn’t get my vote. Oh, and I was wrong on another point. He doesn’t look like Applewhite. He looks and sounds like Yogurt from Spaceballs.
Jim Webb: See Lincoln Chaffee. In the interest of full disclosure, I have to admit that I am embarrassed and ashamed that I didn’t know more about this guy until now. I am thoroughly impressed by Jim Webb. He is a Marine veteran and has a strong resume highlighting a wealth of experience and success. He gets burned by critics for switching parties, but I find that to be an admirable quality because he does not toe the traditional party lines and by virtue of a broken political system, he had to go wherever he could best serve the public interest to the best of his ability with the least amount of party mafia restraint. I was disappointed to see him drop out of the race because I think he would have been in my top 5 for his goals and initiatives if elected. I think he has what it takes to lead America. As much as I would like him to stay in the fight, I am not so sure that seeking the third party nomination as an independent is a viable plan. I think that he would have no chance as an independent and, in this broken electoral system, Jim Webb would just steal votes away from the top candidates. Being a Democrat who appeals to conservatives, he could potentially damage both sides. I don’t know if this would be a good or bad thing. If he does make a comeback, I will monitor closely and wish him the best of luck. We’ll have to see how that one plays out.
Jeb Bush: Man, I want to like this guy, but it’s really tough. I like his record and I think he is incredibly capable of doing a great job, but no matter how awesome he may be as President, his last name alone will set him up for failure and to be devoured alive by the critics if he makes the slightest mistake. Too much risk based upon heritage, which should have no bearing, but that is the nature of the reality of the world in which we live. I also have a serious case of the ass regarding his support for common core and his yet to be defined position on immigration. Instead of enforcing existing immigration laws and designing a faster and more efficient system to provide a better, welcoming, and more encouraging path to legal immigration, all indications are that he wants to go the blanket amnesty route and let everyone in without question. That’s a national security risk I am not comfortable with and cannot accept. This fucknut is finding new and creative ways to erode his own spine and lose any credibility he ever had on a daily basis. He can’t even stand up for himself against other candidates trashing him. How the hell is he going to stand up for the rest of us? He talks a big game in forums and groups, but waffles like a bitch when confronted on anything and he is visibly uncomfortable when challenged. I would love to play poker with Jeb. I would take him for every dime he has. Talk is cheap. Pussy!
Ben Carson: Damn, it is so hard to not like this guy! I think he has much to contribute and hope he finds a position in the National Leadership echelon of our country, but I don’t get the feeling he has the spine to stand up against tyranny and commit to all out war if America is threatened. Sounds shitty, but he doesn’t scare me. If he doesn’t scare me, he won’t scare China, Russia, Iran, North Korea, or any of the terrorist goat fuckers against whom we are currently engaged. I really like Ben Carson, but I don’t think he has what it takes to lead a country from a foreign policy and national defense perspective. Slight change from the assessment above, but Ben Carson is building up cool points with me. He still doesn’t scare me, but he does not run from a challenge or confrontation like the others and he has no fear of explaining and defending his positions to anyone and he does a fine job at that. I’m still not comfortable with voting for him yet. He clearly DOES have the spine and I believe he has the will. Can he deliver?
Ted Cruz: My impression is that he is just another politician fighting for the spotlight. You couldn’t turn on the TV without seeing him starting some kind of shit and ever since he announced his candidacy, haven’t heard shit from him. Glory hound. Wants to be the leader, but has no interest in leading, in my opinion. Is he still even in the race? Where are you Ted? You sound like a hybrid of Mr. Rogers and Dana Carvey’s impression of George Bush. I can’t decide if that is annoying or amusing. Again, talk is cheap. I want to believe, but I am not gaining any confidence in Captain Filibuster and his competence as a leader. Put up or shut up and stop wasting our time.
Mark Everson: Two things….Who the fuck is Mark Everson and OH!!!! He has IRS in his former title!!!! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE SHITHEAD!!!! I already forgot who this guy is. Is he still in the race? He shouldn’t be!
Carly Fiorina: Based on what I have researched on her, I think she is okay, but not Presidential material. Besides, if Hillary Clinton wasn’t in the picture, what the hell else would she be talking about because she hasn’t sounded off on much of anything else, so what else has she got to offer? Really liking what I am seeing from Carly Fiorina in her debates and subsequent interviews, but I am still uneasy about what she brings to the table beyond torching her fellow candidates on the debate stage. I sometimes detect a very cold and condescending tone in her voice, but that could just be me overthinking things again. I will continue to watch and pay attention to help me decide if she is a legitimate force in this race.
Lindsey Graham: Every time he does something I admire, he does something ten times more retarded and makes me hate the fuck out of him. He is always front and center every time there is a proposal to cut military and veteran benefits. Fuck him and his hollow patriotism, he is a poser and an asshole. Fuck Lindsey Graham!!! I didn’t realize that he made full bird Colonel without putting in more than a whole duty day (combined) from his previous rank. When you are through reading this post, come back to Lindsey Graham and read the story in the attached link. Then you will understand why I not only hate his blue falcon guts, but would jump at the opportunity to beat his ass for all of the mileage he got from a military service record that damn near qualifies him for stolen valor charges. Piece of shit!
Mike Huckabee: Dude, you lost already. We like you, but you sound too much like a cross between Wilbur from Mr. Ed and Mr. Rodgers and McCain and Romney should have taught you that presidential campaign reattacks DON’T WORK. Go back to Fox News and play your bass guitar. I take it back. I DON’T LIKE YOU. Here’s a shocker for ya, Mike… NOT EVERYONE IN AMERICA IS A HARDCORE FANATICAL BIBLE RAPIST LIKE YOU!!! Go fuck yourself, Mike. Just don’t forget to confess that on Sunday so you can jump to the front of the line to heaven and leave us sinners in the dust.
Bobby Jindal: Hurricane Katrina was 10 years ago. There haven’t been any oil spills lately. What else do you bring to the table? Nothing? Then stay in Louisiana until you have something of substance to bring to the entire country. No change. He’s a waste.
John Kasich: This is a tough one. Based on what I know and what I have researched, I have no reason to doubt this mans ability to be a strong leader for our country. He has a strong record of success. However, other than a few sporadic interviews, all of which consisted of nothing more than him bragging about his record, I have yet to hear from him about what he would do to tackle the big challenges of today and tomorrow, so I will be paying close attention and go from there. Starting to fade like he’s being “mentored” by Bill Cosby. Still haven’t heard shit about your plans there buddy. Thanks for constantly reminding us what you did yesterday. What are you going to do for us today? Looking like you’re in flat spin territory. EJECT! EJECT! EJECT!!!
George Pataki: To be honest, I don’t know enough about him to give an honest assessment. TBD. “Let’s give Israel the MOP!” He was talking about the Massive Ordinance Penetrator: 30,000 lb penetrating coordinate seeking weapon. Question for you, General LeMay…I mean GEORGE…How the fuck is Israel going to deliver that weapon? This dumbass statement not only highlights his complete ignorance of U.S. military capabilities, but shines a spotlight on his inability to be in charge of our national defense. Have a snickers, George. You get a little stupid when you’re hungry.
Rand Paul: Reminds me of Donald Sutherland in Animal House. I think he has some great ideas, but he is that tantrum kid who dominates the room and pisses everybody off until he gets his way and I wouldn’t trust him with our national defense or foreign policy for shit. Sorry Rand, but you need to grow the fuck up. Good man, does many great things, especially with his charity medical work overseas, but not ready to lead the free world. The more he whines like pussy, the more he reminds me of young Snape from the last Harry Potter movie. Just watch, this fucker is an active shooter waiting break out of his cage. Don’t be anywhere near him when he snaps!
Rick Perry: He ain’t eloquent, he ain’t polished, he ain’t exactly articulate, and yes, something so stupid as a brain fart during a debate fucked him the last time around. However, in the interest of full disclosure, I am biased toward Texans and having spent much of my life in Texas, I am thoroughly impressed with his leadership and what he has done for that state. If oral communication and ability to read from a teleprompter is a critical attribute of leadership, then we might as well lift the term restrictions and keep Obama in the white house so he can continue to drive the United States toward the earth like a fucking dart. I choose substance over style every day of the week and if Perry can get off the bible belt high horse when it comes to social issues, throw away that party line, and become the well-rounded leader I believe he can be, I would definitely consider voting for him. Well, so much for that. Even if he didn’t cut and run, he lost me early on. Ya done shit the bed on that one there pard!
Marco Rubio: This is another tough one. I really like Rubio and though I feel some young blood could be a good thing in the presidency, I can’t help but be reminded that such way of thinking didn’t work for us when Obama was elected. Rubio is a politician and a young one at that, which forces me to question what experience he has beyond the political arena to make a positive difference as Commander in Chief. That said, I hope he can prove me wrong and prove himself right. If he can do everything he promises to do, he will have my support. When it comes to immigration, I put him in the same bucket as Jeb Bush. He is winning me over, but I still have ass itch with his immigration policy.
Scott Walker: Okay, some impressive LOCAL victories in his home state, but again I have to ask what this guy brings to the table. I will reserve judgement until I hear more from him on his plans and how he intends to accomplish them, but for now, I am not inspired by this guy. Scotty, you proved yourself to be the bucket of seeping booty juice I originally suspected you to be. Should have shaved your nugget, bro. I think that fucked up lopsided bald spot was too much of a distraction for anyone to take you seriously. Yes, sounds shitty to imply that voters focus on shallow judgements based upon aesthetic features in their decision making, but let’s be honest here. If the Wallflowers just came onto the music scene now, they wouldn’t have sold a single album because no one does music videos anymore and every one of their videos were just close-ups of Jacob Dylan’s face and his bright blue eyes. Their sales spiked when that happened. If his eyes were brown, like the grease and dirt in his hair, no one would have given a shit about the Wallflowers. How would Obama have done if he spoke with a hard southern drawl or sounded like Mike Tyson?
Donald Trump: Here is where I am going to draw some serious heat from you guys. Unless anyone from the available list of candidates above (or the many more who have yet to officially jump into the meat grinder), Trump gets my vote. Trump is NOT a politician. He has lived a chaotic life, experienced failure in the workforce, and piled on success after success greater than every other candidate combined. He is personally involved in every aspect of his business operations, he knows everything that is going on, holds himself and his people accountable for everything, and has an incredible history of getting shit done. Sure, he is an asshole, he’s abrasive, he’s blunt, he’s largely unfiltered, and he has absolute confidence in himself to get the job done. Definitely my kind of asshole! He means what he says and he says what he means. He cannot be bought by special interest groups or lobbyists. He is not part of the political machine. No, I do not think he is the best option to serve as Commander in Chief and President of the United States of America, but from the field available, he beats them all hands down. Bat shit crazy! I fucking love this guy! He has turned this election into the greatest reality TV show EVER!!!! No change to my original assessment, but I will add that I like the way he is forcing his opponents to expose themselves, their intentions, their motives, their histories, and their hypocrisies. The Donald is just as fucked up as the others, but he owns it and levels the playing field for the candidates stockpiling their skeletons in the closet.
Now, I have to reiterate that like every election in which I have been eligible to vote, I am not remotely impressed by the drifting barge of shitbags we have been presented to represent and lead our country. I have known so many outstanding people and leaders in my own personal life who I know for an absolute fact could do an outstanding job leading our country, far better than the latest and greatest political douche bags to fall off the assembly line of spineless failure. The problem is that those Americans will NEVER get a shot to be President. Why? They don’t have a billion dollars in their offshore accounts. They are not known in the political community. They are not networked with the political mafia hit men and associates necessary to gain the publicity needed to reach the American public. We have adopted a system where the only available Americans we have to choose from when it comes to electing those who will lead us are the ones with the money or the connections to put the money up on their behalf. Of all the great leaders I have known and with whom I served, the last thing they ever concerned themselves with was money. All they cared about was the mission and the people they led. Sadly, that is not an important consideration when it comes to electing our state and national representatives. Money talks. Bullshit wins. Leaders remain bound and gagged. America suffers.
The majority of Americans have never experienced true leadership. They only know what they learn on the news channel of their choice, the internet, what random post they read on social media, what’s popular in the moment, etc. They have no criteria for leadership because they have never experienced it, never lived it, or never been in a position of leadership to appreciate the value of putting the mission and your people before yourself and your values. I wish I had a solution or an alternative, but I am not smart enough to figure out how to unfuck a national election system. But I know enough intelligent people that if we all got together in a room with a few kegs of beer and some munchies for a few days, we could probably figure out a better way.
The problem isn’t the quality of available candidates. The problem is the system that forces us to choose from the steamiest turds to float to the surface of the political septic tank. The great leaders are out there! They just didn’t waste their lives putting themselves over for donations and networking like politicians do. They were too busy being LEADERS!!!!
If you have been following my rants since I launched this adventure last year, you should be fully aware of my positions on politicians, leadership, and the qualities I find critical to being a great leader, so I am not going to repeat myself. Until we change the rules, change the system, change the paradigms, and kick down the doors of dollar driven bureaucracy and make the ultimate position of leadership available to compete for by actual leaders and not just a glorified financial popularity contest, we will be dancing the same human centipede circle jerk dance every election season. This is why I choose to put Donald Trump at the top of my list of what’s available this time around. He is here to shake up the ant farm of social and political conditioning and his victory alone would make every one of our adversaries pause in fear because they would not know what to expect from a non-politician Commander in Chief who can’t be bought and puts America first. It may not be pretty, but he can’t possibly fuck us over any harder than our current failure in chief and his cast of fuck ups. Trump acknowledges failure, unlike our current administration, but Trump refuses to accept it and is the one guy in the pack who has the experience and the spine to fight for and achieve success on behalf of the American citizens. Until we fix the election system, however the fuck that may be possible, I am going for the one who rises above the lesser of the available evils and who actually knows how to lead.
Anyone out there want to join me in a write in vote campaign for James Mattis, Tommy Franks, or Mike Flynn? We’ll form up our own “WHAT THE FUCK” party.